The Epiphany

The Epiphany

There is something to be said about those who leave all attachments behind to go off into the nothingness in order to find themselves. What has happened to them in their life that brought them to that exact moment? Literally throwing their hands up in frustration and saying, "ENOUGH!"

I feel like all nomads have this moment. I, am one of them. Life builds up and up and up and up.... only to get lost in the mix of it all and feel insignificant. Breaking away and free is the equivalent of a butterfly emerging from it's chrysalis, a complete transformation. The trials we face along the way are almost identical to the fight and struggle that the butterfly needs to endure in order for its wings to be strong enough to flutter. 

There is a thought process and a building of courage before deciding to run off into the nothingness and recreate yourself. The nagging thought becoming a craving, then an ache, plans and what ifs swirl and weave themselves in and out of daily thoughts and musings. It builds, the overwhelming feeling of needing to be yourself, then even breathing doesn't fill your lungs the same way that it used to. That is when it happens, the moment of change, that overwhelming climax of emotions.

The Epiphany

Plan A for Alaska. pt.1

Running Away From Home As An Adult

I am a person that, if I pick up the scent of a new passion, I want to throw myself into it with everything I have. A leaf in the wind, most of my projects fizzle out and never take off. Some were great for my soul more than anything, and others are why I am hesitant to even look at cupcakes ever again...

I have found many lessons in my projects, so none of them really ever go to waste. My biggest, most challenging project was stirring in the back of my mind. It would haunt me for months, and the longest I've ever sat on a big decision. Little did I know, it would come with the biggest lessons of my life as well. The biggest project ever, myself. How was I going to do it:

I was Going to Run Away, to Alaska.

Alaska and I have history akin to on again off again lovers. Its been almost a full decade since I fell in love with life again in the almost never-ending embrace of her summer rays, like arms. I found healing from my past that left me bruised, broken, and lackluster on her back roads in my beloved Jeep Cherokee Sport. It was this exact healing that I needed going forward. She was calling me, once more. So I built a plan.

It wasnt as simple as buying a ticket and flying off into the sunset... I had to get everything in order and formulate an actual plan. I had been a stay at home wife and mom for so very long. Which was all the more reason to get the hell up and change my situation, What exactly was calling me? Who were my connections up there? What would I do for work?

I wanted to do Geology. I fell in love with rocks and the landscape while living in a desert climate, I loved seeing the layers of rock build up and tell a story of their existence. The local university has an amazing geology program, problem solved. I connected with a friend that was moving up that way and together we devised a plan for me to stay with him and his wife till I got a decent cushion under me. Lastly. I reached out to my old boss, I told him the situation and before the end of a 40 minute phone call, I had a job. That was all the easy stuff. The hardest part was still looming over my head like an executioners blade. Telling my husband and daughter that I was making plans to leave. Not just, move to a different neighborhood kind of leave. Like, move THOUSANDS of miles and an ocean kind of leave. 

Whiskey and Weed

Whiskey and Weed

So, I sit here with my mind rambling on and on and on about what I could possibly share with the world... what can I contribute to humanity?  In this day in age, everyone is online, the entire world at our fingertips, knowledge flowing throughout the interwebs like water. Life experiences. I feel like personal experiences, the ones that define us, the stories we tell to our friends, the peanut gallery. Those are the most valuable resources that are rarely sought out nowadays.

I'm celebrating today, because I finally followed through on something that I set my mind to, one that did not have anything to do with packing all of my shit and running away at least. so,  WOOOHOOOO!!! Go me! I started this blog. a personal diary of sorts. May the Whiskey flow and the weed be ever uplifting, because the world needs more reasons to celebrate! I mean, I did something that I feel that any bored highschooler could do on any given night. but seriously. why not. This is my outlet.

The random musings of me. Its better than leaving them trapped into my head, and I would much rather be writing them all out and finding some inspiration from them than to just be letting them go and playing catch up when a thought strikes gold.

I'm not sure what kinds of things I should or will end up posting to my blog, maybe it really will end up as a personal diary. I have so many secrets that I would LOVE to share with the world. Secrets that would crush the hearts of people close to me, so who knows. Maybe the entire world, eventually.

The life I have lived has been an interesting one so far. Fuck it. Time to share stories with the world. Come of it what it may.

The Quarter Life Crisis

Big Sacrifices

     Just about 365 days ago I left everything behind in Las Vegas, and moved to Alaska with HUGE dreams; in 5 years, I was going to go to school for geosciences, open a cigar shop, and build a cabin. Its still a dream, yes, but one that I am perfectly ok with letting go of. The journey that I have been on because of these goals has added more to my life than I ever bargained for, and grand journeys rarely follow a set travel plan.

     So, in February 2019, I stepped on a plane to Alaska, saying see you later to my 5 year old daughter, with a plan for video chats and as many visits and I could afford. Leaving her in the custody her Dad and Stepmom was the most gut wrenching moment of my life. I seriously did have to be medicated to even make it through that day. I also said see you later to one of my best friends, my husband. Him being military, he got orders to Japan and at this point in our relationship we were more than ready to give life a solo shot. His support was crucial.

     Here's the Why: I broke. Life got to be too much, and I lost it,. But, how? I was the happiest person, always having a thirst for adventure and a smile plastered on my face. Here's the reality check... those were all just band aids. There is a saying about a persons emotional "cup", over time that cup fills up more and more. If neglected, those emotions are going to overwhelm and spill over. My cup cracked, didn't just spill over... full on crack....and for a while it seemed that I could no longer hold back any emotions at all. 

     Being too hurt for too long, and not healing from past issues and trauma, I snapped. Digging out from underneath from the sedimentary layers of emotional and physical trauma, guilt, shame, abuse, and neglect like a zombie corpse. Emotionally dead, but my body still very much alive and hungering for change. It was going to be horrible, and painful, but I am so glad that something in this universe kept me going. Once my mind was made up on making a change, my body went into autopilot and plans were set. I was to go back to Alaska, a place where I had always found strength and healing. A place where I knew I HAD to find a way to survive and be strong, because the only other alternative is death.

Gypsy Lynn, the Beginning

Gypsy Lynn

Redhead, not the kind that needs meds, outdoorsy, can dress up or dress down, a unicorn in the bedroom, caring heart, easily likable... so why am I here, in this exact spot in life... single and struggling to find a shred of motivation. Balancing independent badass with complete hot mess that would benefit from an emotional support human. 

Our life experiences make us who we are, not only what happens to us but also how we respond and learn from them. I've carried myself through life and  Its completely fair to say that I've learned some important lessons in my 28 years, maybe you can learn from the mistakes I've made but honestly, just enjoy the stories of my youth and the random thoughts of a rambling adventurer.